


He made a promise she couldn't keep

by Songs_and_fairytales



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, catching feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-19 23:52:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16544744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songs_and_fairytales/pseuds/Songs_and_fairytales
Summary: It wasn't sudden. It had been building for a long time. He knew it had, even though he had been trying his damnedest to ignore it. He knew it, today more than ever, he knew it. He knew that he was completely, totally, undeniably in love with Alexandra Elizabeth Kingston. Trouble was, he didn't know how the hell he was going to explain that to her. Especially when she's made it explicitly clear that he was not supposed to.





	He made a promise she couldn't keep

**Author's Note:**

> Look I wrote a thing! But i didn't have anyone else edit it so if you catch anything feel free to let me know.

It wasn't sudden. It had been building for a long time. He knew it had, even though he had been trying his damnedest to ignore it. He knew it, today more than ever, he knew it. He knew that he was completely, totally, undeniably in love with Alexandra Elizabeth Kingston. Trouble was, he didn't know how the hell he was going to explain that to her. Especially when she's made it explicitly clear that he was not supposed to.

 

She's made him swear that first night he'd shown up at her door, “it's just sex.” 

 

She'd made him promise “we're just relieving the tension.” 

 

And at first that is all it was. All that flirting and innuendo, the touching and kissing and sultry looks on set. It was so intense, he needed to release it all somehow and he assumed it must be the same for her. So it made sense that they would relieve all that pent up energy with each other. But at some point it wasn't the sex he needed, it was the time with her after the tension was gone, that was what he longed for. 

 

He longed for the long nights spent in each other's arms, silent, sated, just resting next to one another. It was the way she laughed when he told her a funny story as he pulled her closer. It was the way she lulled him to sleep with gentle scratches on his scalp or soft kisses on the back of his neck. It was about waking up next to her, about hearing her grumble when the alarm goes off, about the way her hair tickles his nose and reminded him that was real. 

 

But how was he going to explain any of that to Alex? Alex who told him she couldn’t ever let herself fall in love again. Alex who told him he they could never work. Alex who told him they wouldn’t last. Alex who told him no one would accept it. Alex who told him every night he should leave before morning. Alex  who told him every morning that he shouldn’t have stayed even as she turned in his arms, smiled, and kissed him with more sweetness than a slice of triple chocolate cake. How was he supposed to tell her he loved her when he was so afraid that saying those words out loud meant she’d actually make him leave?

 

The knock on his door startled him. It was soft and tentative and harsh and demanding and as he rose from the couch and caught a glimpse at his clock wondered what and who could be so insistent at this late hour. 

 

“Alex?” He said concerned as he answered the door. “It’s late, I’d have thought you’d be asleep by now.” She didn’t answer, just bit her lip and kneaded her hands into one another. He waits for her to explain why she’s come to his door so late, what was so pressing only moments before and yet now has her silent. He waits for her to say anything, but she can’t seem to even look up at him. 

 

“Alex love, what’s wrong?” He moves his hands to her shoulders and it seems to shake her from whatever haze she was stuck him.  

 

“You…” she seems so unsure, “You… you didn’t come tonight.” Her eyes look almost anywhere but him, like they’re pleadingly with the air around him for an explanation. She looks so lost, like a child afraid that she’s been forgotten on a playground and or worse grown tiring to her friends and so left behind while everyone else runs off together. She looks so afraid and hurt and Matt can’t help but to pull her into his flat and lock her in a tight embrace. 

 

It’s not that he didn’t want to come to her tonight. He’s come to her bed every night for the past three weeks. There were nights they were too tired to move and yet he still fell asleep next to her telling her how beautiful she was and woke beside her the next day to the soft caress of her hands on his chest. It was their ritual, their time alone, their time together, but tonight, tonight he was too afraid of what he might say, he still is. So instead he pulls her closer and hopes his pounding heart doesn’t give him away. 

 

They stand there holding each other, waiting for the other to speak, but he’s to afraid of what truths his tongue might divulge. He’s too afraid of his mouth might betray him so Instead he waits. He waits for her to speak, waits for her to do anything really because all he can think to do is tell her how in love with her he is. But she doesn’t speak, doesn’t move, just keeps her head buried in his chest trying desperately to control her breathing. He can tell she’s trying not to cry and frantically tries to find the courage to speak, but she beats him to it. 

 

“I didn’t… I mean I didn't know... I ..uh,” she can’t seem to find the words and instead just pulls away from him and turns too looks around, as if hoping the words she’s looking for are written somewhere on the wall. 

 

“Did I do something?” She finally says without turning back to look at him. 

 

“What?” He rushes around to face her, desperate to reassure her. “No! No! Of course not!” He exclaims quickly as he moves clasp her hands in his. 

 

“It’s just that you didn’t come tonight and… well you have been and you didn’t so I thought maybe you were called back to set or were out with Karen and Arthur but they said you weren’t and Mark the PA said you’d all left and I hadn’t heard from you so I was worried something was wrong so I came here to check but you’re fine and you didn’t come so I--.” He kisses her. He can hear the panic in her voice, in the way she’s rambling and repeating herself and all he can think to do is kiss her. And he does, he kisses her just as sweetly and tenderly as she does every morning. He kisses her deeply and holds her face between his palms until he feels her  whole body sigh in relief. He pulls away from her and just manages to hear her curse under her breath before the tears start flowing from her eyes. 

 

“Hey, hey, hey Alex love, Alex listen I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t come.” He tries to pull her closer, to soothe her again, but it only seems to make things worse and she pulls. 

 

“Dammit Matt!” She shouts as she sinks down onto his couch. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.” She says as the tears continue to stream down her face. He makes his way to sit next to her. 

 

“Alex, I’m sorry.” He truly is. He’d been so wrapped up in his own head, in trying to figure out how not to tell he how much he loved her that he’d not realized how late it gotten. And now, here was Alex, upset and hurt because of him, because he was too afraid to tell her he’d broken his promise. Now here is Alex, upset and crying and he wants to fix it. He wants to make it better. He needs to make it better. 

 

“You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me.” She finally says through choked sobs and Matt’s heart drops through his chest. How did she know? How was he supposed to fix this now? Now that he knew she was crying because she’s realized what he was trying to hide from her? How was he supposed to make it better? 

 

“Alex listen, I, I know what I promised, its just that I--”

 

She isn’t listening to him and instead she barrels forward seemingly unaware that he’d even spoken. “You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me and here I am in love with you?” She declares through yet more sobs. 

 

“What?” He isn’t sure he’s heard that right. He must have been imagining that. She couldn’t have possibly just said that….that she loves him could she? 

 

“I’m sorry Matthew, I’m sorry.” She said as she buries her face in her palms. “I’m so sorry,” she repeats through another sob. 

 

“Alex why are you apologizing?” 

 

“Because I’m a sentimental old woman who’s gotten overly attached to her costar and just declared her love for a much younger man who can definitely do better than me and who most definitely no longer wants anything to do with me and I'm sorry I should leave.” 

 

For the second time this night Alex is rambling. She’s still talking about how sorry she is as she gets up to leave and she seems completely unaware of the fact that Matt has gotten up to follow her. She’s still talking as Matt pulls on her wrist and turns her to face him. She’s still rambling when for the second time that night Matt kisses just as sweetly and tenderly as she does every morning, or at least he attempts too. 

 

He feels her tense at first. He should have said something, should have responded with words. He should have reassured her of how she was in fact definitely the best that he could ever hope to do and that he in fact most definitely did want to spend every single moment possible with her. He should have said all of that and more, but the second he was sure that she’d truly said she loved him, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her. She was still tense and he was about to pull away, afraid he’s misunderstood something she’d said, afraid this was her way of telling him this was all wrong. He’s about to pull away, but her arms are wrapping themselves around his waist and she’s deepening the kiss. She feels his whole body breathe a sigh of relief and the kiss turns from sweet and tender to demanding and desperate. 

 

Neither is sure how long their lips remain locked against each others, neither is sure how long  its been since they breathed air instead of each other. As they pull away panting and spent, he reaches up and cups her face in the palms of his hands. 

 

“I love you so much Alex.” He says as her eyes meet his for the first time that night. He isn’t sure she’s heard him. She isn’t sure it’s real. “Alex, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and anything. More than I ever thought possible.” He feels her finally register his words, he feels her surprise, he feels her happy cry before he hears it escape her lips. 

 

“I love you too.” She says as she leans forward to kiss him more sweetly than a slice of triple chocolate cake.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
